Cigarettes and Regrets

 

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The room smells of cigarettes and regrets

The stale whiff of memories hangs in the air

You sit by the window in your sweat pants and t shirt

Rolling the last joint of the day

Seeing the world move with a blurry indifference.

The curtains keep swaying

From the light breeze which never stops in the city

Your gaze moves to the bed

The sheets white and pure

Just as you were before he touched you

And it all comes back

In a moment of recognition

The night you lost your virginity

In the same room

On the same bed

On the same pure white sheets

Regret comes flooding in

And you feel it getting it to you

Just like the hash

The regret hits you

Choking you with its finality

It should have been someone else

Not him

Someone who loved you

Whom you would have let him have this precious honor

The one in a lifetime moment

You thought he was making love to you

But he was a predator

And you darling

Just another prey

But you were hopelessly

Madly in love

And you thought that he loved you too

(Maybe even more than you did)

And always would

But a lover’s promises are fickle as the December sun

The film keeps rolling in your mind

How you had let him go unprotected

Your mom’s voice kept ringing in your ears

(Promise me you will never have unsafe sex)

Who then had the time to think of the promises

It was him

The moment

And the ecstasy of the union

Nothing else mattered

And now you sit by the window

Taking long drags of the smoke

Sucking in the regrets

Drowning in the memories

Your heart pierced anew

It has been a year now

And you have been trying

Desperately

To let go

Smokes, hash, alcohol

You have tried everything

But you know deep inside that

He is infused in your blood like poison

And you will bear the burden on your chest

Forever

Love is a messy business

Complicated

It takes a moment to be branded

And a lifetime to remove the stain

 

 

 

 

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